Sometimes I wonder if you can truly ever let something go... For example, something bad happens to you. You lose something or someone. If what you've lost is important to you, then it takes some time to get over. Some people do, some people don't and some people fake it really well. For most, you probably hurt, then you start pretending things are ok (usually because of some stupid social norm about how you should be responding), and then you realize you aren't putting any effort into pretending anymore, because things really are ok.
So why do things come back to haunt you? I really wish I could understand why something that happened so long ago, something that you believe you have let go of can just come back and kick you in the gut. In my case, it usually kicks me in the gut, gives me a Stone Cold Stunner, and then proceeds to kick me while I am down.
Yesterday, I decided to talk about the loss I experienced with someone I am becoming friends with. In truth, when we were done talking, I really felt ok about it. I wasn't anxious or weepy. Well, my unconscious self, apparently, did not feel ok with it. I had nightmares about the person I lost and it was awful.
Today hasn't gotten much better. Not directly related to the situation discussed last night, but it's like the fates are pissed at me or something. Maybe I am being tested - how much can she handle?
All this angst will fade and I will be fine again. But today? Things aren't so good...
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2 comments:
I hope you are doing better today. Hang in there.
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